December 17th, 2003

During an exercise last Wednesday, in which we asked you, God, who we really are, I wrote the following:

I’m defensive. I’m unsure. I’m tired. I’m bored. I’m shallow. I’m broken. I’m frightened by this un-familiar land. It is the farthest I have ever been from home; and the sun is setting for the first time.

Frodo said to Sam, “Nothing ever dampens your spirits, does it Sam?”

There was a  time when that was true of me. Even when I was scared, my joy stayed in tact. I can see shadows of that boy.

God, when did that change? Why did that change?

In my memory, I walk through my child-hood home. Some blurry and obscure memories meet me there. But when I come to Stanwood (eleven years old) my mom leaves. She literally went crazy and was institutionalized for over a month. Did I begin to lose the essence of Sam then?

What is Sam’s purpose?

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