I’m beginning to feel like I’m strictly representative of something else for Brenda. The thought occurred to me that I may not fully exist as a “person” in her world. I may be emblematic of certain things, some good and some bad – but I’m unsure whether I exist in her heart at all when I’m not actually right in front of her. I feel like I wink out of existence like a TV. or computer screen.

This does not mean she has no AFFECTION for me. She might even love me like she loves a song or My Space or avocados. But I’m more of a concept than a person; something that exists only in “her” universe and is not self-existent.