February, 2007

I’m tired, and lonely. I want my wife back. I haven’t had her (except for a few brief moments here and there) since August…well it’s been since August that I became aware that I didn’t have her….the truth is I’ve never had her.

Am I man enough to live like that for the rest of my life? Can an orchid survive in a desert?

I really have no choice. I guess we’ll find out.

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I guess I find myself in the position of having an enemy in my own household. My wife is my enemy. She is working toward a different goal than I. She is willing to shut me out in order to obtain her goal. She is willing to re-arrange large portions of her life in order to obtain her goal. She is un-willing to seriously consider dissenting opinions.

Her goal is independence and freedom from pain and guilt.

My goal is intimacy.

Her goal makes her enemy of my goal, and vica versa; I am her enemy too.

She’s moving in one direction and I in another, yet we are yoked together, which means I pull against her, and she against me.

I must learn to love my enemies, to pray for her in the way God would have me pray for any of my enemies.

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