July 18, 2013

Brendan Liturgy Part VI

“I accept the responsibility, I’ll hear and obey and trust it is  your voice I hear, the call of the Spirit, the cry of the Bird of Heaven. It is a ‘yes’ to risky living…”

Well, this is turning out to be a “spotty” endeavor to say the least…

6 weeks or so I’ve been stuck on Part 6: Risk Taking. It’s not like I haven’t been “working” on this part. In fact I can say with a high degree of confidence that this part of the Liturgy has received more of my attention than the previous 5. But I have been stuck.

Honestly I’m not sure if even today this is progress, spinning in a circle, or me simply exerting my will to move on. If there IS anyone actually following this escapade out there…my apologies for the inconsistencies in posting…but this is just how it is right now.

Risk Taking…

If one eliminates the obvious, shared risks to life and limb we all have due to the simple fact that we are alive, then risk taking becomes a highly personal thing. What is a risk to one is an autonomic “bore” to another. For example, I have very little insecurity with public speaking. This does not make me “brave”, but only part of a minority in that most people fear it. It is not particularly a “risk” for me. At best – it makes me odd.

But as I am learning more and more about how people “work” (including myself) I recognize RISK as the intimate connection between our deepest desires, and greatest fears.

We must “risk” the consequences of putting aside our broken desires (whatever they may be) in order that our desires can be transformed into Godly ones. This is a terrifying prospect.

If you’re not afraid to give up an idol – it’s likely not much an idol and you have been fooled into thinking you’re on the path to meaningful transformation. Sure…you may make some positive changes. The circumstances of your life may improve incrementally: drop 10 pounds, eliminate that debt; read your Bible more regularly. But are you less of a glutton? Less materialistic? More in love with God?

Another way  to put it: Does the Sermon on the Mount terrify you? If not – then you have not found the risk you are personally being called to make; you have not identified the false god(s) which currently hold you down and lie to you, telling you that you are less than God intended, and so making you cling to ideas and behaviors to make you feel like more than you really are.

Attention and Approval have been my idosl since childhood. For the last 10 years, detaching myself from the un-healthy and sinful need for these has been my job. I still have a great distance to travel in this regard. Shame and ridicule whisper lies about my worthiness, and in an effort to compensate, I will step outside of God’s design, covering and protection to reach for Attention and Approval, in effect pursuing an ego trip, and diverting my resources from where God had intended them to be spent.

Repeat this process without interruption on a daily basis, and you have a wasted life. One lived in the safety of pursuing one’s own desires at the expense of one’s own God given potential.

Risk is required.

Where I was silent for my own sake,  I will now speak.

Where I spoke for my own sake, I will now remain silent.

Where I ran for my own sake, I will now stand.

Where I was still for my own sake, I will now dance.

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