July 13th-14th, 2004

“Absolom, my son, my son!” It had never occurred to me that my olderst child could have been a boy. I mean, the thought that I never knew the gender had crossed my mind– but it never struck me in the context of “destiny” because I am the father of daughters.

A secret longing for a son was poked at with a long stick. There was a harvest this last week.

I’m drained. I’ve been emptied. Lord, please show me who I am NOW…now that more of the façade has been chipped away.  I don’t want lose ground. I know that it is often two steps forward, and one step back….I just want to minimize that, and perhaps the depth of this particular episode would feel “Cheapened” if I didn’t “get it” …I mean ALL of it.

It’s been almost a year of journaling now. Thanks for this new means of getting with you, God.


God, thank you for stirring my heart to pray for my community. To pray for the people who surround me – my people. I confess I do not have the heart that I know you want for me. It is still small and hard.

Holy Spirit, soften my heart. I pray that you would make me into a weeping prophet – one who feels – one who draws to himself, and thus to YOU all those who desire freedom from striving and grief.

Lord, give me a bigger heart for my daughters, for my wife, for my neighbors and my friends…for the people who come through our door looking for grocery money – for the scammers for the lazy and shiftless.

I hear you in Jesus’ words when he addressed the Pharisees at Matthew’s party: “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.