November 26th, 2005

So it seems like X’s treatment of me equate to a re-wounding, another betrayal….My first wounding was my Mom. I look back over my entry from March:

  1. Person A explodes all over me after receiving criticism. Threatens to leave the band, Project Va’ and the small group.
  2. Person B gently and appropriately reveals that he’s been disappointed in the amount of attention I have been giving him.
  3. Person C says I’m spreading myself too thin relationally…but he doesn’t want me to stop giving HIM attention.
  4. Person D explodes all over me saying that I don’t love him because I don’t give him enough time. Threatens to leave the church.
  5. Person E reveals that he isn’t feeling loved by me, and has already, essentially left the church.
  6. Person F threatens to leave the church upon receiving a notice from me that he has to fish or cut-bait regarding Brazil (apparently he’d already decided not to go…and just stopped coming to meetings) Of course he talks to Rick about this and not me. (probably better that way given the timing).
  7. The big one: Brenda doesn’t want to go Brazil anymore.

Are these other betrayals? Add to them some new ones: Person A…again, Person G, H, I, and D again, then back out, then in again, now out….

SO here are my questions:

What do I “do” now that I see the origins of my “bully/ betrayal” wound?

What impact or potential impact can Brenda have on that wound?

Who will defend me?

Is this the only path to become free of self?

What role is the enemy playing in all this?

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