Thursday September 4, 2014 – 12 Mile Camp, Quinalt River
Author’s Note: The reader should be aware that the look of happiness and anticipation on the above subject’s face was misguided and did not last. I had decided to celebrate my last night out with a camp fire and desert: Back Packer’s Pantry “Mocha Mousse Pie” To say that the “pie” did not turn out, is akin to saying “the Hindenburg fell down…”
I have to say, after re-reading the last journal again – I’m reminded that it was on THIS day (Day 5) that I received my new name: Sam. I feel strongly that God used John Eldredge’s teaching to guide me to that most-lasting metaphor for my identity.
I missed my dad deeply this morning as I spoke the Morning Meditation for Day 4 of the month. It mentions “father” in a way that made me think of him. During the last trip, he was at home, waiting and worrying, of course. I wonder what he’s doing now.
Maybe today is a day to reflect on how “Sam” would (or did?) move from being just a grateful recipient (or as Merton describes it, “an immature conscience”) to a worshiper in spirit and in truth. How does a “Sam” pursue that change?
Thursday September 4, 2014 – Halfway House, Quinalt River
I can’t say that much came to me on the trail today. Maybe something about Sam being “simple” – acts of worship in the garden. I dunno. I might be making that up.
I do have at least one, now solid, composite idea: I am to stop focusing on “self” – and I am to begin by letting go of self-criticism. I take myself too seriously and it spills out onto my circumstances and onto others. It’s that “paganism” thing: I get angry when things aren’t going my way. This is exemplified in my habit of asking aloud, “Really?”, whenever an event occurs which seems PURPOSED to thwart my will, when in fact it was just gravity or the wind.
I’ve got to start laughing more; stop criticizing myself and others, and maybe cut-loose a little bit.
Reminder to re-read and reflect on:
Merton pp 45-57 (Freedom-Conscience-Selfishness)